Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A.L. Casoni presents "Pay him, pay that man his money"

KGB said it best to his boy Grandma in the movie Rounders after Matt Damon straight served him at the hold 'em table. "He beat me. Straight up. Pay him, pay that man his money." What more does Josh Cribbs have to do for the Browns to pay that man his money? 2 kickoff returns for touchdowns in 1 game? Apparently not enough. The all time NFL record for most kickoff returns for touchdowns? Apparently not enough. Play receiver, running back, punt returner, kick returner, and be on the punt/kickoff teams? Apparently not enough. I know the Browns just took a huge step in the right direction by getting Holmgren, and I am so happy about that. The guy doesn't put up with any crap, and I truly believe he will get this thing going in the right direction. Want to win over the fans Mike? March yourself and your beard into Lerner's office and demand a contract extension for Cribbs. There are 32 teams in the NFL, some bad, some good. Every single team in the NFL wants Cribbs, and its evident. The only thing the Browns are accomplishing by not signing him now is that they are losing more money. Seriously. The guy is making himself more and more money by not signing an extension. You know what the sad thing is? The guy actually wants to sign an extension with the Browns. Its on management, not the player. Nearly every other Brown wants to be so far away from Cleveland, and this guy, arguably the best athlete on the team, wants to be here. I'm going to throw this out there, and you may or may not agree with it, but Jimmy crack corn. Josh Cribbs is one of the top 5 most "explosive" players in the NFL. That's correct, explosive. I didn't say he was one of the best, or I didn't say he was the most gifted, I'm just saying explosive. There are like 9-10 guys in the league who every time they get the rock, they have the ability to take it to the "Cribb". He is one of those guys. Chris Johnson comes to mind, Adrian Peterson, Brandon Marshall, Larry Fitzgerald, and a few others. That is some great company. But no, he doesn't warrant an extension, no. A few other things about the game besides Cribbs? You have to mention Jerome Harrison. I mean 286 yards is very impressive. However, that defense of the Chiefs was bad, really bad. I am not taking anything away from Harrison. 286 yards is frickin unreal, but he had some help from a poor defense. Quinn was bad, he just was. 60 yards throwing and what, 41 points scored? Who can we thank for that? Oh ya, the guy who isn't resigned yet, that's who. Do it Holmgren, do it. Bacardi and cola do it.......


Friday, December 11, 2009

A.L. Casoni presents.... "Finally......"

So, where do I start? Well, I'll say this. This morning I woke up at 7 am (after closing the local Pittsburgh watering hole down in my brown and orange gear) and even though I like my job, I was the most excited I have ever been to go to work. Ear to ear baby, all day long, and it was fun, really fun. Even if its temporary, even if Roethlisberger never loses to the Browns again, I will never forget this day. But let's talk about the game. The best part of the game actually happened at halftime that some people don't know about. A couple minutes before the Browns headed out to the field for the second half, Mangini told the Browns flat out, "Do not even bother coming back in to this locker room without a win. I'll dead bolt the door shut, and I'm dead serious." That's bad ass. That is exactly what this team needed. The defense was absolutely outstanding when you actually factor in who they are playing without. 8 sacks too? That's phenomenal. Seriously though, i just don't get this funk the Steelers are in. I mean, they aren't that bad of a football team, but they just can't put anything together, but hey, I am just fine with that. The Browns beat the Steelers in every aspect of the game, every single one. Did Quinn play a great game? No, he didn't, but he didn't turn the ball over, and he did what he had to do. You know what player made himself the most money down the road in that game last night? Troy Polamalu. The dude is a stud to begin with, and now everyone sees how this defense plays without him, he might as well be given a blank paycheck when his next contract negotiation rolls around. So Hines Ward calls the loss to the Browns "embarrassing", huh? Ya, that's fine, I'm ok with that, since you did me a huge favor last night. You didn't smile like all game like a 15 year old boy who is making his first appearnace at a strip club. You were stopped by Ferocious Furrey.....


Monday, December 7, 2009

A.L. Casoni presents.... "Boom Goes the Dynamite and the Steelers"

Minutes after watching Alabama manhandle Florida, my buddy called me and asked if I wanted to go to a bar in downtown Pittsburgh and I agreed. As I mentioned before, I am a long time resident of Cleveland, but now I live in Pittsburgh. Anyways, the night started off like any other night, sitting at the bar watching whatever sporting event was on. I had my eyes glued to the Texas/Nebraska game, while my buddy watched the one sport that is less tolerable to watch then badminton, hockey. So around 10:00 we started doing some shots, and another one of our friends arrived at the bar. All of a sudden it was midnight, and one of the guy's I was with mentioned he had 4 tickets to the Steelers/Raiders game on Sunday and asked if I wanted to go. As I sipped on the absolute best tasting beer in the world, Corona, I started thinking about how cold it was going to be, how I could care less who wins, etc. Then it was 1:30 am, and not only had I agreed to go to the game at this point, but I was excited about it, and I had my friends south of the border in Mexico who brew those oh so tasty beverages to thank. As I sat in my seat at the game, I kept quiet and I listened. I decided that I was going to wear normal clothes since I didn't have any Raiders/Steelers gear obviously, but I wore my Browns winter hat. By the time the game was finished, I had heard approximately 10 things that reiterrated my opinion that Steelers fans may just be the worst in football. In order to keep this somewhat brief, I will give you my top 5.

#5- "The Steelers need to fire Dick LeBeau"---- Just an absolute ridiculous comment. The dude first of all is 87 years old and has led some of the most dominant defenses in the history of NFL. Seondly, the Steelers are minus quite possibly the best DB in the NFL in Polamalu. If LeBeau were fired, he would receive 31 phone calls in 11 minutes with job offers.

#4- "These guys are just not worth me spending $75 anymore to come see"---- What? Have you seen the Browns? the Lions? the Rams? People still go to those games. You are not even a full year removed from the Super Bowl, and you have roughly the same roster. You are in what's called a "losing streak". They happen, Cleveland fans have seen double digit losing streaks on more than one occassion.

#3- "Roethlisberger is overrated."----- Sir, if you don't want him, you can have half of the Browns starting offense in return. Seriously, take them, they aren't going to start for your team anyways. As much as it just kills me to say this, the guy is a certified winner. I think he is the definition of a tool, but the guy wins football games.

#2- "How much longer are we going to suck?"----- I mean come on. You won the Super Bowl last year. Yes, you lost to the Raiders and the Chiefs this season, I get that. But you just don't realize how truly spoiled you are as a Steelers fan, and I hate it. You people are all bandwagon fans, and its a complete joke.

and last but not least, the most ridiculous comment of the day was.....

#1- "It was a complete mistake bringing Mike Tomlin in as a coach."----- I actually turned around and said something to the guy who said this because I was in complete disbelief. Oh, I'm sorry, the dude has coached 2 years, been in the playoffs both seasons and won the Super Bowl once. No, no, you're right, he should be pumping gas for a living.

So, moral of the story, stay true to the Browns. They'll be back, I promise. Don't lose faith and become one of these clowns.


Thursday, December 3, 2009

A.L. Casoni presents.... "Who should you idolize?"

You either live in a hole or your parents have grounded you for a month in your room with no access to the outside world if you haven't heard about Tiger Woods' deal. You know what the worst part of the whole thing is though? I would be surprised if he lost one sponsor. I mean, the guy walks to the grocery store and money falls out of his butt to buy bread. I am one who believes he has a right to privacy. The media is eating this up like a fat kid eats cupcakes, and you really can't blame them I guess, but come on. This is a person who people all over the world idolize, and now not so much. Speaking of other sports star goofs, Ron Artest comes to mind. Seriously dude? Henny at halftime? No wonder you rolled in to the stands in Detroit, you were hammered. How does nobody smell this on your breathe? Anyways, my point is this. Athletes are like everyone else. They are human, they make mistakes, a lot of them. You want an athlete to idolize? Choose Albert Pujols. The dude is sick. More importantly, in an interview with ESPN, he openly admitted he would not walk in to an elevator in a hotel if it opened and just one woman was alone in there. There's a smart athlete. Artest, pour out a little liquor for Big Al.


Mike Brown apologizes to Z...now let's move on

Big Z broke the record last night, finally, and is now officially the Cavaliers all-time leader in games played. Hats off to the big fella, and we all know what Z has meant to this team and this town as chronicled throughout the week. However, record in toe, I must ask everybody to take a step back and get off Mike Brown's back for a minute. As referenced yesterday on Stepien Rules, Mike Brown might have had a few more pressing things on his mind going into the Cavaliers game against the Dallas Mavericks on Saturday. Keep in mind, the Cavs just played awful on Friday, and had a red-hot, first placed, Dallas squad coming into town. He made the mistake of not announcing Z would play, and then after the non-announcement, he didn't play him. Not right. Bad move. However, the Cavaliers won the game going away. And they just blew out the Suns right after that. Since Friday, Mike Brown has the Cavaliers back on the right track...would you agree? And Brian Windhorst is also reporting that he has since apologized to Z for the DNP on Saturday. And people around town, including Big Z, still appear to be bent about it. Memo to all involved, get over it. Move on. And to Z specifically, we are all proud of you, seriously, but you're a role player now. Embrace it...the team needs you to.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A.L. Casoni presents.... Grady, show us your Sizemore

Dude, come on Grady. Pictures in front of a mirror with a coffee cup over your junk? Sixth grade called, they want their center fielder back. More importantly, how does this happen? People all over the world every day send pictures of themselves to other people, and nobody hears a word about it. Someone stole it from your girlfriend's computer? Again, how does this happen? Get ready for opening day at the Jake (that's right, I called it the Jake and always will) that will be headlined by Fruit of the Loom signs at the very least. Well, I will say one thing Grady, there probably are women in the city of Cleveland that are thrilled about this "mishap". However, I am not a woman, and I am not thrilled. Get the batting average up a bit for next season, your glove is solid though. And oh ya, keep your damn pants on.


Wanted: Football GM. Apply Within

Position Available:
*General Manager/VP of Football Ops/Football Czar/Someone Who Can Stop the Bleeding of the Cleveland Browns. Wait! Hear me out

*Must have an Ego as Big as Lake Erie. Only someone cocky and arrogant can think they can fix this mess.
*Must have some sort of success in the NFL. A Super Bowl ring or two would help.
*Must be willing to relocate to cold, snowy, Cleveland, Oh. In the grips of a depression. Brady Quinn's house is on the market.. Still interested? Keep reading.
*Will Inherit a coaching staff in WAAAY over their heads. Mangini has been here almost a year, and we are way worse than we were at this time last year. Actually- you will be responsible for firing him. And please try to find "cause" so I dont have to pay him too. This is getting ridiculous.
*Will take over 53 man roster full of players past their prime (see Eric Barton, Hank Fraley, etc.), players that never truly developed (Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson), players that dont have a clue (Mohamed Massaquoi, Brandon McDonald) and players that would rather retire than be a part of your team (Jamal Lewis). Through Week 12, this roster of rejects is 1-10, has the 31st Overall Offense, and the 32nd Overall Defense. Good luck to you.

We'll tell you you will get 3 years to turn this thing around. But let's be honest. You dont have that long. I am done with this "rebuilding" thing. And dont try selling me any of this crap that you need time to find players that will "buy into your system". I fell for that garbage last year and look what it got me. A team full of Chansi Stuckey's and Mike Furrey's.

Also- all signs point to you making the 1st Overall selection in the 2010 Draft, along with 10 other draft picks. Dont mess this up. They say a 'miss' on a High Draft pick can set your franchise back 10 years. Just so you know, WE ARE THE REASON they say that..

Negotiable. Let's be honest- You have all the leverage here. I'm pretty desparate.

As soon as possible, but I understand if you want to wait until our potential 1-15 season is over. I wouldnt want to be associated with this either.

Serious Applicants only.
Please send resume to RandysDesparate@clevelandbrowns.com