Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Wanted: Football GM. Apply Within

Position Available:
*General Manager/VP of Football Ops/Football Czar/Someone Who Can Stop the Bleeding of the Cleveland Browns. Wait! Hear me out

*Must have an Ego as Big as Lake Erie. Only someone cocky and arrogant can think they can fix this mess.
*Must have some sort of success in the NFL. A Super Bowl ring or two would help.
*Must be willing to relocate to cold, snowy, Cleveland, Oh. In the grips of a depression. Brady Quinn's house is on the market.. Still interested? Keep reading.
*Will Inherit a coaching staff in WAAAY over their heads. Mangini has been here almost a year, and we are way worse than we were at this time last year. Actually- you will be responsible for firing him. And please try to find "cause" so I dont have to pay him too. This is getting ridiculous.
*Will take over 53 man roster full of players past their prime (see Eric Barton, Hank Fraley, etc.), players that never truly developed (Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson), players that dont have a clue (Mohamed Massaquoi, Brandon McDonald) and players that would rather retire than be a part of your team (Jamal Lewis). Through Week 12, this roster of rejects is 1-10, has the 31st Overall Offense, and the 32nd Overall Defense. Good luck to you.

We'll tell you you will get 3 years to turn this thing around. But let's be honest. You dont have that long. I am done with this "rebuilding" thing. And dont try selling me any of this crap that you need time to find players that will "buy into your system". I fell for that garbage last year and look what it got me. A team full of Chansi Stuckey's and Mike Furrey's.

Also- all signs point to you making the 1st Overall selection in the 2010 Draft, along with 10 other draft picks. Dont mess this up. They say a 'miss' on a High Draft pick can set your franchise back 10 years. Just so you know, WE ARE THE REASON they say that..

Negotiable. Let's be honest- You have all the leverage here. I'm pretty desparate.

As soon as possible, but I understand if you want to wait until our potential 1-15 season is over. I wouldnt want to be associated with this either.

Serious Applicants only.
Please send resume to RandysDesparate@clevelandbrowns.com

No comments: