Sunday, November 23, 2008

2009 Browns Head Coach Candidates

The Soap Opera that is your 2008 Cleveland Browns has gotten Shaver Sports thinking….when Romeo Crennel gets fired next year, which TV/Movie Character would best replace him?

In answering our own question, Shaver Sports' Top Ten List of Character Candidates best suited to be the next Head Coach of our Beloved Cleveland Browns is as follows:

10.) Coach Herman Boone, i.e. Denzel Washington. Remember the Titans. Remember when the Browns were competitive? I don’t. He brought a racially divided school together. Maybe he could bring Kellen Winslow and Phil Savage together.

9.)Tony Micelli, from Who’s the Boss. You wouldn’t even need to ask that question with Tony Danza in charge.

8.)Mickey Goldmill, from Rocky. Would drastically improve team speed, with his Greased Lightning training camps. Shaun Rogers would easily shed a needed 40 lbs chasing a chicken around Berea.

7.)Michael Rogers, Resident Advisor in Saved by the Bell, The College Years, played by Cleveland’s own Bob Golic. Main value to Berea: Tough Love. While a strict figure of authority to Screech, Zak, AC Slater, and Kelly, Mr. Rogers was able to find a place in his heart for a helpless little laboratory mouse. (Would be ranked higher but when he went out of town, Zak threw a rave in the dorm. The last thing Berea needs is glow sticks and some E going around the locker room)

6.)Bud Kilmer, Varsity Blues. (Jon Voight) I know. I hear you. You’re saying, but he was shamed into walking off the field at the end of the movie by Mox and the rest of the Coyotes. But Kilmer won 31 Division titles. This team needs a Head Coach with a track record as a winner. Not a track record of riding someone else’s coattails as a Coordinator.

5.)Tony D’Amato, aka Al Pacino, from Any Given Sunday. Best coaching attribute is Personality Management. Kellen Winslow and Braylon Edwards are the real life versions of Willie Beamen (played by Jamie Foxx) and Julian Washington (played by LL Cool J). The Clowns even have their own version of the tired, washed up, 3 steps too slow, linebacker Shark Lavay (played by LT) – Andra Davis. The similarities are eerie.

4.)Jack Bauer, from 24. Highly skilled under pressure and at clock management. Would actually implement a 2 Minute Drill. Something the previous coach was unable to do.

3.)Detective John Kimble, played by The Governator. Most people would think that Arnold as “The Terminator” or as “Dutch” from Predator would be a better pick. But did you see the way he got those rug rats into shape Kindergarten Cop? As Romeo says “Kids will be kids”. And these kids need some discipline.

2.)Norm Peterson, (George Wendt) from Cheers. Fans wouldn’t have to bother to email him and risk an expletive laced reply, they’d know where to find him after a game. That, and he would save the Browns some money. They already have the size 62/30 pants from the previous regime.

1.)Vic Mackey, from The Shield. He makes #4 Jack Bauer look like a choir boy. Think his players would quit on him? Not a chance. Running around after practice without their shoes on? Please. Tom Coughlin thinks Vic Mackey is uptight. Question his play calling? You would hope the worst thing that happens to you is that you are benched.

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